May 20, 2015
I am quite an introverted person. Even as a little kid as young as six or seven, I remember being very cerebral; I sometimes wondered if I thought too much. I wish I'd had someone to tell me that being introverted was okay, because as a child and a teen, I felt ashamed of my personality. I desperately wanted to be the exact opposite, because society (and perhaps my parents, to an extent) sent the message that being introverted was undesirable. And as an introvert, I was always conscious of the judgment of others. It was a vicious cycle.
I'm still very much an introvert as an adult, and though I've come to embrace it (I mean, if I were more sociable I wouldn't have time to read so many books), I found this book to be validating, to an extent. And I think that was part of Cain's intention, to prove that this temperament is all right, even ideal in many ways.
Cain looks at the benefits of being an introvert in many areas of life, the unique challenges that cerebral people face in Western culture, and makes suggestions for how to raise a secure introverted child. Basically, to an extent a person is born either introverted or extroverted. Obviously nurture, as well as a person's life choices, have effects on personality development, but biology plays an important role. When we were chatting at my niece's first birthday party recently, my dad brought up a favorite anecdote about my own first birthday: I crawled away on my own and was found in the closet (hardy har har) with a book. This book gave me a new frame through which to view that story: I was largely born an introvert, and having felt overstimulated, I retreated and had some "me" time. Good work, baby Lynsey. How very self-aware of you.
I found the comparisons of different cultures to be interesting, but not surprising. Having traveled to China, I was already familiar with the concept of "saving face." The dominance of introversion in Eastern cultures is in contrast to the "extrovert ideal" in the West. I felt more than ever that I would be better understood (personality wise, that is) in an Asian country. Being hypersensitive to others' feelings...I was always that way, and still am to some extent. So that particular chapter shows how upbringing and culture also have a large hand in shaping personality. It just so happens that in Asian countries, the extroverts are more suppressed, rather than the other way around.
Overall I found this book very interesting. Not just because of the personal validation and the insight into my temperament, but also because of the information on how introverts are often ill served in schools. I think Cain is correct when she says that all kids benefit from a healthy mix of group work and independent work. In a time when differentiated instruction is needed in diverse classrooms, keeping in mind students' temperaments is important; even the most gifted student, if he or she is an introvert, will struggle if there is too much emphasis on group work.
The one part of the book that I didn't get into was near the beginning, when Cain talks about introverts in corporate America or the Ivy Leagues. I don't give a shit about corporations or stocks, and I think people who shuck out hundreds or thousands for seminars by Tony Robbins or similar are suckers. I have an advanced degree, but I went to state universities. There was a bit of an elitist tone throughout this book, though fortunately the entire focus wasn't on business. I mean, obviously the child development and psychology experts would be at top schools. But the "average" people interviewed were upper middle class, lawyers and professors and shit, in California or the East Coast. Not everybody, but the vast majority. It doesn't change the major points that Cain made, but for some reason that irked me. It made it pretty clear whom her audience was and, I don't know, that bugs me a little. I shouldn't assume that Cain is an elitist because she used to be a corporate lawyer, but...
So overall I enjoyed this book. It offered some interesting insights into psychology and development that I'd never considered before. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go do what feels right for me...read some more, and not talk to anyone but my dog for the remainder of the night.
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